Well, I’m unemployed again. I have quit the disgusting southern diner I was working for. GASP, I’m such a horrible person. I have been to numerous job interviews because of this and I’m very frustrated. So, I’ve allowed myself to indulge in some incoherent and deeply childish writing to clear my thoughts. Here we go…
I hate job interviews – I hate how even the crappiest fast food establishment asks the worlds dumbest question : “Why do you want to work for * Insert horrid company name here * ?”
I can understand asking that question if your the biggest fucking company on Wall Street or something but not when your desperate and applying for McDonald’s or some other shit-hole! How are you supposed too honestly and seriously answer a question like that? If you answer it honestly and say …”Well, I really need a job….” Your rejected! So you lie your ass off and kiss ass to get the nasty job that you do not want but need to have. They know your lying and you know your lying. That is what they want. They want you to kiss their ass. They want to feel like your savior because if they are your savior, your devotion to them will run deep and you will do anything they ask. They prey on desperation and devotion. How to you think Jesus got to where is his with the faithful.
So you get the job. They treat you like an asshole, even when you do your job, because your easily replaceable yet they act surprised when you quit. Interviews should only be given by jobs that are not the average American shit job!
What if you don’t like your shit job? What if you dream of something better? Well, unless you have managed to stay for 3 years per sickening minimum wage crap job your disqualified for anything else. They expect you to stay at these shit jobs for years. For what? To show Job stability. They want to see that you put up with 10 grueling years as a line cook before you even considered asking them for a position at their company! It shows them that you were willing to stick with a miserable job just so you could be here today, in this nice corporate office, saying, “Look, I’m dependable, responsible, dedicated, and hard working. Do I deserve better yet? Should I go back to the bottom to stew for a few more years until you think I’ve proved my devotion to the God of My Job is My Life?
Who the FUCK MADE THESE RULES! I’d love to torture them. It would be grand if I could make my own fucking society! I long to live in a cave shut off from everything. I wonder how possible that is? I’ve always been very into the idea of homesteading. I would love to run a homestead some day…
Another thing I find irritating. CREDIT! A job must first check your criminal, credit, and personal life history before even considering you. The Criminal I understand, But do they really need too know that I was late twice in the last two years on my phone bill? I know that is not really what they are looking for but the whole process just pisses me off.
Also, If you enjoy moving around a lot and have the means to do so….Your looked down at because you :
A.) Have no longeviety at an address
B.) Have no stable work history
C.) Must be running from something, or have a lack of responsiblity, maturity, and intelligence.
And as soon as an employer sees you move a lot, you automatically get bumped down a few interview points. Then are subject to 50 questions as to why you move so much! Do you intend to move again in two years? Where do you see yourself in 5 years, is it with this company? If not, why? If yes, why? When you do see yourself leaving this company? Why have you choosen this company as a possible place to work? Over and over, the same questions worded a l00 different ways. It makes me very irratated. How can I show a certain degree of enthusiam for the job I’m applying for when all I want to do is strangle the interviewer and burn the company to the ground. Reguardless of how you answer those questions, your sunk anyway. You can talk and explain your reasons for moving around but they will not be want the company wants to hear. You can lie but they will most likely know your lying. Besides, the interviews already “knows” all about your character from your application. He makes most of his decision based on your work history and longeviety, your experience, and the first 30 seconds of meeting you. The rest is just for show. Unless your exectionally good at talking your way into things you probably will not convience the interviewer that your a good and honest person. The “facts” are on the paper.
Now, if they would check references like they are supposed to you might be okay. I’ve had some really horrid fucking interviews but was still hired because they actually took the time to check with my previous supervisors. Then they saw that while I do in fact move around and job hop, I’m a really good worker 99% of the time. I always please my supervisor and my co-worker.
So, why am I always unemployed as of the last 3-4 years? Well, while I am probably one of the most miserable, pessimetic, and continually depressed person you will meet I believe that people should be happy. I have yet to master being happy. But I am working on it. I attempt to change the things in my life I’m unhappy about. Usually, this is my job or my surroundings. It seems that this is something considered taboo amoung “normal” everyday people.
Why? If your unhappy, try something else.
Why has humanity deemed it nessary to make themselves suffer in order to move up in world? Seriously, I don’t get it. Its like humanity feels guilty if they do something fulling for themselves and say FUCK YOU to any who oppose them. Why? For some reason your looked down upon if you attempt to advance in their world without 30 years of back-breaking and emotionally traumatic work history backing you up to say, “Hello. I sacrificed my mental health, quality time with my family, my psyical health, and my life in general to be here today. I have successfully mastered the art of turning my job into, not a career, but my life. Will you hire me?” Of course they will! That is the point.
They want their company to be your company, your life. If they call at 3am because somebody called off, you’d better forget explaining to them that you have to be up with your children at 6am to get them to school! That is unacceptable. You should have a backup person that can come over and get them to school while you take care of more important things, your job! Some companies actually tell you that on day one. That if you have children you need to be responsible and arrange for a sitter who can pick them up if they get sick at school or something. Regardless of how serious the school thinks your child’s sickness is. If you do not have a back up and end up leaving to take care of your sick child you will be written up. Because, that is irresponsible! Your children are not your top priority. Your company, who pays your bills, should be number one. To me, that’s unacceptable. What makes a company think they can treat you in such a disrespecting manner as that? Everybody seems to believe that you should be thankful for your job. I honestly disagree. While it is important and necessary to have a job, a company should be thankful that they have workers. Without workers, they collapse. So to act completely superior to their workers and disreguard their employees responsibilities outside of the job environment is ridiculous.
I know nobody agrees with this but I think that is a shame. Everybody is overworker, under paid, and very pissed off most of their adult lives because, its whats expected. If you try something risky that does not pay top dollar, gasp, your irresponsible. Those are not real jobs! You’ll never earn a “proper” wage as, say, an artist. Well, that may be true however, if you would ENJOY that more than anything else, why not give it a shot. As long as your comfortable with the fact that you may not be able to eat for 3 days, who cares. It is your life and your choices. So, I choose to not care much about my job history or stability. To me, that will not get me where I want to be.
I just don’t believe you should live your life miserable. What kind of a life is that? Why bother if your unhappy all the time. I’ve yet to figure out exactly how to rid myself of living miserably but at least I’m trying to make myself happy. I’m trying to live in a way that makes me happier. Will I “succeed” someday, maybe or maybe not but, thats not important to me. At least I’ll be able to say TO MYSELF that I tried to make a go at something risky and self fulling instead of sticking it out as a dishwasher for the rest of my life because it “pays better than anything I would have done on my own.”
I wish I could successfully brainstorm an idea to start up my own business. However, I can’t save tons of money I don’t have.
I wish my life had a DON’T PANIC button! And an IMPROBABILITY DRIVE! That would be fun….
I wish I had a hint of what I was trying to teach myself in this life. I hope in the next life I’m a centiped. I was watching one for almost 45 minutes one day in the parking lot at my previous job while waiting for my ride. It was oddly appealing to watch it do nothing but SLOWLY crawl through the parking lot. Of course, If centipeds have thinking compassity I would drive myself crazy with boredom and hate that life too. I’d probably spend all my time trying too find an extremely populated area in hopes of getting stepped on….CENTIPED SUICIDE! My Karma would be further in Debt though!
June 30th, 2008 at 5:51 am
Wow I like your blog ,very honest. If you owned a business you would want to hire someone who is dependable ,and honest and would be a good fit in your business. There is a investment that they need to pay to train you …etc and want to at least get back.
I am not saying you don’t qualify I am just telling you what they look for any why they ask “stupid” questions.
I dont feel that they care you are a free spirit. They are looking for you to be there when you are supposed to be and do you job. Maybe someday you will have your own business but I assure you you will work harder at that than anywhere where you have worked. It will be yours. Unless you inherit a lot of money or win the lottery you will need steady income to get the material things in life you require. If you need credit they need you be to stable at a address for a period of time and have verifiable income. As far as the spiritual things that is another avenue. I hope you find yourself. And when you do you will be able to share yourself with those important to you. Everyone shares in the want to be secure and happy, and have someone to share life with. Take care and God bless. Peace
June 30th, 2008 at 5:55 am
Bryan,
While I thank you for taking the time to reply with sincere advice to a stranger’s online rambles, I would like to offer you a simple and truthful quote : “Not all who wander are lost.” This is in reference to the end of your reply : “I hope you find yourself. And when you do you will be able to share yourself with those important to you. Everyone shares in the want to be secure and happy, and have someone to share life with.”
In truth, I feel I have already “found myself”. I know who I am – The good as well as bad. The weakness and strength I carry with me everyday. The beliefs I choose to live by. I know who I am. I “found myself” long ago. The true problem is not “finding myself.” It is simply this : I find it hard to be a part of our society. I do not like people. I do not like the world as it is right now. I do not believe our life should be governed by a number, referring of course to our credit scores. At this time in the world, that is all we are really. A score, A group of numbers. If you have a high score – you pass anything. If not – Your worthless, a bad “investment”. I think its wrong people are viewed this way. Society is in a downward spiral and there is no hope of surviving the fall. Its that simple. What I wish, long for, is to return to a time when a credit score was non existent. Your goodness was your worth. Perhaps the time of the settlers. Where everyone broke their backs to afford little. It made them appreciate life much more. Life right now is worthless and unappreciated. They appreciated every thing back then because of what it took to acquire them. They still had many problems – don’t misunderstand. Life was hard and many could not survive. What I would truly like would be to start my own community. No, not a cult or hippie commune. But yes, a commune, in a sense. Where people live to escape the unhappiness of “civilization”. Everybody keeps to themselves and does their own thing and to make money everybody uses their natural skills to make money. Or whatever career makes them happy. If somebody is good at knitting they can make clothes and things, a gardener grows food, an artist paints, etc. Whatever their talent and skill. Farmers markets are a great way to earn property tax money, selling extra food and etc.
At the moment I have a business selling herbs and spices and things. That is something that could continue to do to raise money. There are plenty of ways of doing it. But again, I ramble…The point is : I’m not lost, I know who I am and what I want. My problem is simply that I do not belong in society. I can not function “correctly” within the walls of civilization. I need to be outside of it. Doing my own thing. I hate going to a grocery store to get one weeks worth of groceries and paying $45 for it. I hate being required to explain my life story to somebody so they can judge my character in order to obtain a job. I do not like being dependent on a job I do not like. What I would like to do for a living is not considered a job – Just a hobby. Granted, my hobbies would enable me to make money off them. However, they would not be able to solely sustain me in this expensive world. If, however, I shared land with fellow artists and creative minds and together we created all we needed to live and sold creations and crops for money to pay for the land – It would work.
As for what you said about material gain, “Unless you inherit a lot of money or win the lottery you will need steady income to get the material things in life you require.” While it is true I do need some money in order to live, I can survive off a pretty low amount. Everybody could if needed too. As for “material gain”, I do not care for manufactured luxury material goods. I would care more for a handmade piece of paper as a gift from somebody rather than a $6,000 diamond ring. Handmade clothes and goods are greatly more beautiful than store bought. Handmade means somebody worked hard and poured their emotions into creating it. Store bought is fake, impersonal – Cheap. No matter how much the item cost them, it is still cheap. Lacking quality and care. Money is easy to come by. Especially since our society is so dependent upon it. The world is built upon greed and envy. That is what we are taught. We tell our children to be thankful for what they have, while they see us neglect them for money. Everybody complains about the youth of America today. Who made them this way. We hand out cellphones to ten year olds and drop them at the mall instead of sending them outside to play tag. Do you think any six year olds would know what you were talking about today if you asked them how to play red rover? No. I think the world would die if all the electric in the world were unplugged for just one day, and I am itching to pull the plug! I don’t need nor want a car – I’d rather walk. I don’t need trendy cloths, I would rather make clothes from rags. I’d rather be thrifty and crafty than rich. Rich people lose creativity because they need only lay down a plastic card to get what they want. I am losing track of the direction of this post.
To get back on track, I feel you misunderstand me. When I said, “I wish I had a hint of what I was trying too teach myself in this life.” It was not a reference to being lost in life. I was basically wondering why my soul would have chosen this type of society to drop me in. Its all wrong for me. I prefer the simple ways of life. So why would I choose to live in this life rather than say a native American back in the 1700s? What could I possible want to teach myself by forcing myself to live through such a disgusting time in the world? Maybe I did not appreciate a former life and I am here strictly to understand how good I had it by being placed in a society I do not agree with. I think this is most likely close but who knows. That was all I meant. I believe the soul has a long journey and many “stops” along the way. This is just a stop I am trying to understand.
Anyway, Again I would like to sincerely thank you for you thoughts and advice. I did not just read it and ignore it. I took it all in and thought of what you said. I believe that in my excited ranting I just did not fully express what was going through my head and did not properly form thoughts into words. As I have re-read this paragraph I realize it all sounds wrong. Quite simply I was just frustrated that I am a number, a low ranking number, and that that number determines my future. My chance of a home of my own, a car, a job. I am an investment. I do not like it. People are more than investments. Every single soul is different. You can not characterize them based on a score. It is wrong. That is all.
June 30th, 2008 at 5:58 am
Oh, my darling. I’m taking care of you
Looking back on this post, I’m glad to notice that we seem to be moving up in our lives at the moment. Less cardboard furniture, we’ve got small creative endeavors we’re diligently working at through current inspiration, no depressing interviews right now due to your business trying to take off…
Just think, we could move around if we wanted to soon if your business does nicely and I do go to school for what I’m thinking of…
And, like I said and think…you’re my darkling and I’m taking care of you and trying to help you do what you want and need to. I’ll support you through this new business and I’ve got the credit for what may be neccessary in the future as we’re both working ta paying things off. And once schooling may hit I’ll have those loans and I’ll work while schooling to rpevent future large bills. I think it may fall into place if either of us stays away from breakdowns.
We’re doing a decent job so far, I think we will continue to.
I love you. Keep enjoying the parts of life and us that you do ;x